Ambivalence
by Queen-of-Ice101
Summary: In life there are many things outside our control, and in that many take comfort in having power over themselves and their surroundings. But when that thin illusion of control is taken away, the turmoil it can set ones life into has ripple effects that stretch further then a person might think.


Hello all!

So I come to you bearing a fanfic mess known as MxG and rantingness:D I have been fighting writers block for quite a bit now, really struggling to break through the mental haze that has come down since a medical incident and boy oh boy has writing been an adventure. I haven't really been able to do anything since the medical incident creative wise, it completely drained me and my creativity and for me it was so incredibly disheartening. When medical things come I use writing as a way to escape, yet that escape just wouldn't come and as the frustration mounted I got the idea to vent out some of that frustration through a fanfic.

I took the concept of not being able to have control over things going on in your own body/mind, and those things having a long lasting impact that effects everything for you in a way you don't want, and I transferred it into a character struggle though this fic. It's taken a while to get this written, much longer then normal, but I'm hoping that this kind of breaks down the writers block for me so that I can go back to my crazy writer self:D This isn't exactly lining up perfectly with cannon lol, buuuut I haven't directly changed the outcome of the games so whether or not this changes anything is up to your guys imagination.

So is this fic a total mess? Absolutely. Do I care? LOOOL not in the slightest XD

Enjoy! {I hope}

 _Ambivalence: The state of having simultaneous conflicting emotions or reactions to a situation, person or object._

* * *

 **Ambivalence**

* * *

In the dark velvet sky above the stars twinkled brightly, light unhindered by any surrounding cities and their own light. Around the small camp gathered around a merrily crackling fire slept the group following along on a quest for the orbs of power. Well, at least most of them slept. Keeping watch by the light of the fire sat two tall figures, their hushed voices carrying the conversation between two vampires no further then them.

At the far end of the sleeping group of humans lay a black haired young woman, covered by blankets as she gazed dully ahead. Every few moments she would shift, her night so far being spent tossing and turning as thoughts of the quest and all that she needed to do kept her up despite her best attempts to drift back off into sleep.

With a heavy sigh she shifted again, giving the blankets a little kick to make them more comfortable, a muffled curse escaping her as her toe impacted with a poorly placed rock.

"Screw it, this isn't working." She finally muttered, sitting up and reaching over to grab her coat and boots.

When she stepped into the light of the campfire two sets of eyes moved to land on her expectantly.

"Mel, you should be sleeping." Te'ijal said quietly, watching Mel as she sighed and used her fingers to comb hair back away from her face.

"Trust me, I know. But I just can't sleep so I'm gonna go for a walk. See if the fresh air will clear my head." She said lowly, glancing over at the three other sleeping humans as if to make sure she hadn't woken them.

"Make sure you have your weapons. Don't be too long." Galahad advised, shooting Mel an understanding half smile as she nodded and headed into the forest.

* * *

Her steps were nearly silent as she moved through the forest, a cool breeze filtering through the trees and carrying the scent of snow with it. She closed her eyes for a half second and let out a long breath, raising her face to the cold air as she tried to clear her mind.

 _"...every move...come..."_

The soft whisper washed over her, carried on the wind and Mel's eyes snapped open as she glanced around.

 _"...breath...take..."_

"What the-?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she picked up her pace slightly, hand resting on her dagger handle as she ventured deeper into the forest and moved closer to the source of the whispers. A voice in her head urged her to just turn around and go home, that with her kind of luck there was a very good chance that whatever the source was would only lead to more trouble for her.

 _"Mel..."_

Her name drifted over her like an exhale, the ground beginning to blur and fade as a thick mist rolled over the forest floor. Something deep inside her urged her on, all thoughts of the quest fading as she continued deeper still.

The cold mist thickened, rising in the air and caressing her as she moved. Flickers and coils of light began to appear within the past, touching her skin and bouncing away as black sparks lit up. The magic went unnoticed as she pushed against the winds that blew through the trees.

She took another several steps before her mind registered a change and she promptly stilled, somehow without her notice she had changed location in some way as where he had once been walking over uneven ground covered with old leaves she was now walking on springy pine tree pods.

Something dark was inside the glade, an electricity that bled through the air and moved through the ground below her. Mel strained her eyes, looking around and up above her warily as she realized she had walked into some sort of covered glade, the only light source and the only way out was the way she had just come behind her.

Mel took one step backwards, that was as far as she got before with a series of mighty cracks the trees shifted and bent, branches weaving together before her eyes as she raced desperately towards the entrance only to arrive seconds too late as they created an unbreakable barrier over the enterance and plunged the entire glade into inky blackness.

"Damn it!" Mel spat, soundlessly moving away from the entrance as she tried to map out a plan.

Of all the stupid, idiotic, incompetent things to do! She was such a reckless moron, following some fricking magical whisper. Had the quests taught her nothing?!

In the clearing sh felt a drop in tempature, Mel trembling slightly from the sudden cold.

"You!"

A strangled gasp escaped Mel at a sudden venomous hiss from behind her, the young woman whirling as she quickly ripped her dagger free from it's sheath and held it protectively in front of her.

"Why can't you get out of my mind and leave me alone!"

"W-what the hell?! Who are you?!" Mel shouted, eyes darting about wildly.

She couldn't sense anyone, her senses had never let her down like this but she felt like she was running blind with an unknown enemy on her tail.

"You're like a plague, I can't escape you. I despise you but you haunt me day in and day out, worse every near encounter and every time I see you in your day to day life." The malevolent voice hissed, unhidden fury so potent in his words that even his whisper carried a razor edge.

As he spoke Mel gripped her dagger tightly, pinpointing his location best she could as she lunged and stabbed out wildly.

A frantic curse escaped her as an iron grip closed over her wrist and jerked it up slightly, dagger being ripped from her grasp and cast sideways away with a thump before she violently tore herself free and scrambled back away.

"You're insane, whatever is wrong with you isn't my fault! I don't even know you!"

Her mind raced as she tried to place who could possibly hate her this much yet somehow be in a place to find her in the forest. Someone who would be so furious at the concept of even thinking of her.

It took seconds for her mind to land on a name, one that even thinking made her shudder. An individual that brought with him Darkness and destruction, untamed rebellion and power that she hated and envied on equal measure.

Yet there was no possible way, there had to be someone she had forgotten that they had met. It was ridiculous to even consider that he would ever be standing here and saying these things. If it really was, she wouldn't still be in this forest.

"Oh I know it isn't your fault, it's my own for letting my damn curiosity get the better of me." The male, for now that he had raised his voice he was very clearly a male, sneered.

Mel held still as she felt the air shift, the soft sound of fabric movement sounding as she felt him slowly prowl around her.

"How pathetic I've become, a mere human tearing up my control and putting my mind at war with itself." Was the purred statement, loathing clear in his tone, yet in a bizarre turn Mel could almost swear she heard admiration underneath that.

"So you aren't human?" Mel questioned, voice challenging.

She felt the moment he stopped, as if realizing what he had just said and in that moment Mel lashed out and slammed one booted foot into the unknown figures knee. A pained shout filled the glade and the stranger stumbled slightly, the barrier over the entrance shifting slightly and allowing a sliver of moonlight in. Mel grabbed onto the male and with a quick glance backwards at the tiny beak of light ripped him backwards, her eyes widening when they fell into her slightly and she realized how tall the individual was.

Moonlight flashed over the figure, the gleam of black hair making Mel swallow hard.

"Let go you-"

"Like hell I am!" Mel shouted, grabbing desperately for the persons belt, knowing that the chances of them carrying a weapon she could use were quite high.

The man let out an enraged snarl, the two struggling against each other. Her fingers just brushed against the smooth handle of some sort of knife when there was a flare of red, Mel's gaze flicking up just in time to see two red eyed begin to glow.

"Y-" Mel's pulse jackhammered, the words dying before ever being spoken as white fangs were bared.

Two hands reached up, both cradling her head and anchoring it in place as before she even had a chance to process everything before her she was rocked backwards slightly by the force of the dark assailant slamming his mouth into hers.

"?!"

She waited for the fury to come, to drive her actions and get her out of this but what followed was so far out of what she had expected that a distant part of her mind couldn't help but ponder the possibility that she was in fact dreaming.

It was like something over her had been lifted, all the thoughts and stress from the quest raging through her like a storm and stirring up the darkest parts of her emotions. Nothing was holding back inside her mind, the overwhelming flood or everything she had held back blending so deeply with the the charge from lips moving feaverishly over hers that she could barely tell the two apart. Every possible thought melted into a haze, common sense and logic drowned out by rage, fear and excitement as her hands rose to knot in his hair. She met him movement for movement, a soundless snarl rising in her throat as she fought to push him back, to take control and follow her irrational desire to make him pay.

A low growl rumbled in the males chest, vibrating through her as he leaned into her and forced her to unbalance backwards slightly. An arm slid down to wrap around her waist in support of her, forcing Mel to rely on the man to stay upright.

It was an ironic contrast, despite the near-domineering behaviour his touch was gentle, he would leave no mark on her even with the rage and hatred his tone had held as he spoke. Yet in the same moments Mel held nothing back, her rage blinding her as she nipped at him and yanked on the silky black strands to pull him closer.

Then her nails brushed over his scalp, and it was if she had struck him with lightning. He ripped himself away with a strangled sound, Mel nearly falling as the male stumbled several steps back from her and let loose a string of curses, each one more foul then the last to the point that even a street hardened Mel flinched. Her eyes flew open and gave her full view of the situation, Mel taking her turn to gasp as her eyes landed on her own body.

She may not have noticed the magic before, but it was impossible to miss the incandescent blue sparks dancing across her skin. They left no mark but every touch on her skin could be felt deep inside. Her gaze flickered up as the sparks illuminated her surroundings, and as she finally came face to face with the man who had made a mess of her night,

"Gyendal."

Mel wasn't sure whether to be horrified or unsurprised. Here she was, the one responsible for the hell her life had descended into standing mere feet away after breaking off a kiss that had felt more like a battle of the wills then the actions stereotypical meaning of attraction. Yet there was a part of her that just wasn't surprised, that glow of the inhuman red eyes so much like her vampiress companions.

It just couldn't surprise her that the one person that was able to take away all control over her temper and the emotions she denied would be the very person to cause this turmoil in the first place.

"Lamb."

His deep voice was rough and dark, much unlike the smooth and cruel tone he had always held before. He held her gaze, eyes swirling with anger yet the hatred notably absent. Without breaking eye contact he reached down, picking up her fallen dagger before standing and approaching to slowly slide it into the dagger sheath.

Mel was frozen as she stared up into the eyes of her enemy. The glade exit was still blocked and she was close enough to Gyendal that had he been human she would have been able to feel the heat radiating off of him, nothing in all their time in the quest would have prepared her for something like this.

Suddenly the faint sound of movement reached their ears and Gyendal's head shot up, eyes flaring for a moment before apparently snapping him out of whatever was going on as the emotion in his eyes died and he barked out a command. Behind him a portal appeared, the swirling vortex sucking air inside.

"Time to leave." He murmured, reaching out to grab her.

Yet despite his plans and Mel's stunned state he never got the chance to even make contact, the blue sparks reacting and sending the mage flying backwards with a snap. Gyendal let out a startled shout, and in the moment of distraction by pain his focus was broken, the tree barrier over the exit pulling away as the magic hold was broken.

That was all it took to bring Mel back to realty as she sucked in a ragged breath and with one last look at Gyendal who was trying to break free of the attacking sparks sprinted out of the clearing.

Her blood roared in her ears as she fled, a glance over her shoulder revealing a shadowed figure slowly rise to his feet. Red flashed in the darkness before he stepped backwards and vanished.

"Mel! Mel where are you!"

Her head snapped to the right and she veered towards the voices, nearly running headlong into Edward and Galahad who were racing through the forest with Lydia, Stella and Te'ijal all close on their heels. As she reached them Te'ijal made an alarmed sound, reaching out towards her slightly only to stop

"W-what are you guys doing?" Mel gasped out, bending over to catch her breath.

Gyendal was gone, she could feel his absence clearly but she also knew it wouldn't be long before he came back for them. She didn't know how he had found them, but she wasn't willing to wait around and find out.

"We could sense dark magic! Stella nearly gave me a heart attack by her shriek, she woke us up out of a dead sleep." Edward exclaimed, gesturing towards himself and Lydia before grabbing her shoulders to hold her in place and looking her over worriedly. "What happened?!"

"One of Gyendal's minions have found us, that was the dark magic you sensed. I killed him, but we need to leave now." Mel said, her lie coming effortlessly.

She could share many things with her friends, but she had a feeling they'd understand even less then she did what had just happened.

"They've found us?!" Stella cried, violet eyes frightened.

Mel nodded, pushing through her friends as she set off towards camp.

"We need to pack and leave. Come on."

* * *

They didn't question, everyone moving back to the group and gathering everything they had and setting off at a quick pace to leave behind the forest and their old camp. As they travelled Mel fell to the back of the group, only partially paying attention to her surroundings as they walked. Her mind was in turmoil, no matter how hard she fought her mind away it kept on returning to what had transpired inside that clearing and despite her best attempts she felt the excitement stir inside as hr mind relieved over and over the sensations.

"Damn him to the deepest, most disgusting pits of the underworld." Mel spat, her outburst unnoticed by her fellow humans as she kicked viciously at the ground.

Goddess she _hated_ him! He couldn't just suffer alone, he had to do the and torment her without ever being around now! She wouldn't be able to forget this or ignore it, he had screwed up everything!

A sudden presence at her side made her head snap up and she looked over at the vampiress that somehow had gone unnoticed as she moved to fall into step next to Mel.

"Hey Te'ijal." She said tiredly, refocusing in front of her.

As she walked she could feel Te'ijal's eyes on her, appraising.

"Mel."

"Yeah?" She answered, glancing over to see an unusually serious expression on her face.

"Gyendal has no servants or henchmen who are dark mages. In fact, he is the only dark mage in all of Ged'ahre."

Mel's eyes widen, her steps faltering slightly despite herself.

"Wha-"

"Do not try with me, you may be able to fool the others but I know my brothers scent and I can smell him all over you." Te'ijal said lowly, cutting her off before she could say a thing.

"Te'ijal it isn't whatever you're thinking. It was a trap and I ran into it, then-"

"Stop. I know it isn't some meeting or betrayal, you do not need to explain yourself to me." The vampiress said, overriding Mel's fumbled words although her tone stayed low enough that it would not carry their conversation to the others. "I don't need to know the details to understand what happened. I knew my brother long before this recent rift, and if I am correct in my guess this situation is one that stems far deeper then attraction to the enemy."

Mel gaped at Te'ijal, the vampiress shooting her an amused smile before her face went solemn and she fixed Mel with a piercing look.

"Whatever happened tonight was something that has shaken both of you. We have a quest to complete, to destroy these orbs, however at the end of that there will be a choice you must make. You can live up to everyone else expectations of you, and do what you're told and asked…..or you can make a decision and follow what you want from life."

When Mel said nothing the vampiress reached up and brushed a hand over her shoulder as she began to speed up to rejoin her husband up ahead.

"My brother has changed the course of this battle tonight, even if he does not yet realize it. There is another path you may yet take, it will be up to you to decide if it is worth the risk."


End file.
